Searching for the 'Reasons' & finding 'Myself' (part-II)

Came June 2013, I was done with my 2nd semester, now a long break till 3rd semester begins. Although I had no idea to how exactly was I going to spend my holidays, but 1 thing I was sure of was that I had to make them productive. Searched for few internship options but none I found suitable. Few days later an old college friend pinged on facebook inquiring if I was interested in joining an ngo called kat-katha, where he often used to go. I got hooked to the very idea, all that required was nothing much but going there, spending some time with the kids, just to teach them something or simply to have fun with them on weekends. Along with this curious sensation, there was also an element of fear somewhere hidden inside to be honest, as it turns out, Kat-katha operated in the middle of Delhi's red-light area. Now there was a choice to be made, either taking risk & exploring the area which is socially disapproved or going there & try becoming a reason for eliciting smiles on some innocent faces. But ultimately all my fears succumbed may be to that untamed curiosity & also to the power of such a beautiful cause.
The place sure was a brothel, but that one small organization Kat-katha was like a light of hope shimmering brightly & illuminating the darkness that surrounded. All those colorful innocent smiles were more than enough to make me fall in love with that place, those smiles, even more beautiful than the colorful paintings on the walls of Kat-katha . Also the volunteers who were already working there certainly held an inspiration in their own for undertaking such a noble initiative,they are few of the most wonderful people I have met in life. Kat-katha is all about generating a Hope for the unfortunate sex-workers & their kids, a Hope that there's a better life waiting for them beyond this brothel they are forcibly residing in.
In the course of time I received an e-mail from an organization make a difference (MAD), for which I applied a few months back, I was called for the interview as they were recruiting now. For a long time I wished to join it, but didn't get a chance to apply for it previously, but now when I did & received their mail, it was yet another excitement added, the vacations were just getting more & more interesting now. It was 7th July, a Saturday, I was called to an orphanage home-'Arya Anathalaya' at Daryaganj, there I was joined with quite many wonderful people who also came to get recruited as one of the volunteers at MAD. It was truly an amazing experience. Among many options, I chose for myself to be an English teacher to the orphanage as that seemed suitable for both my little experience of teaching in past & also for its timings & so started the process. After the testing time when finally came the interview session, it was then that I suddenly got struck with this realization that how everything falls into place on the very right moment. Its quite surprising how these kind of sudden realizations catches your mind completely off guard but yet you thank the heavens above that they do. If there was anything which actually made me more confident in the interview,then I would owe it to those very moments of past when I pushed myself to take those few steps, even if hesitantly at times (as for that time I was but a scared soul) & now it seems that those were actually the moments when I challenged my own fears just to revere them forever, those few steps which I never really knew would land me to some place like this. It all added up- being a part of social service society at college, rookie but yet having at least some experience at teaching few underprivileged kids at that time, then recently being a part of Kat-katha & lastly being the vice president of my small department. Although somebody would say it was a simple interview for a weekend teacher at orphanage, requiring not much of an experience, but for me it was definitely more than that, it was one of those personal feelings which nobody else but only you could understand, a feeling I would cherish forever. I got selected not because I was experienced but because I think they found in me an element which I would call is a 'gift from my past'. It's after a long time that I really appreciated my own decisions which lead me to somewhere I wished to be. On my way back to home, there was an unconditional smile on my face all the way through, my mind still fascinated with the idea of how 'all the dots have connected' & the journey further,I believe is going to be yet another adventure to explore myself, yet another answer to a question & yet another reason to something beautiful I am about to witness in future...

"Life is all about connecting the dots, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever and it will make all the difference in life."

-Steve Jobs

Searching for the 'Reasons' & finding 'Myself' (part-I)

It's the age when people usually get job-oriented especially boys, the peer pressure as well as the excitement of being free & independent & most importantly the thought of putting off the burden from the shoulders of the parents, proves to be the ultimate driving force. Being of the same age, though I thank God as there's no peer pressure as such which hovers over me, my parents wish me to complete my post-graduation nicely & then think about getting a job later on, but yet at this age one is bound to feel a silent ache inside watching their friends earning & having fun & being honest, I am not any different for not feeling that ache myself sometimes. it's not that I find doing post-graduation in my subject any uninteresting, but may be it's simply my history of academia which more or less had been an average affair to say the least.
 But as they say, there are 2 sides of a coin, so let me tell you, if at this age I sometimes feel down thinking that I am not really doing what I should suppose to do, it's actually at the same time that I realize the truth, that  I am not really ready yet even at this age, I feel there is more to just seeking a descent job & spending rest of the life at your own terms, there's definitely more to it, a phase of struggle I guess, a struggle that I need to allay inside me at the first place, a struggle of seeking answers to a plethora of questions that I have inside & it's this itching of seeking All the answers to those questions that draws me closer & closer to an 'epiphany', a sudden realization that gradually but surely will change my life forever or so i hope with all my heart. What my experiences have taught me till yet, I have derived to a conclusion & that conclusion answers everytime to the ever whirring questions in my head- "Whatever happens,happens for a reason". It's like there exists a story which God has written already, where He consciously added few loopholes to make us falter at certain moments, to test our faith in ourselves, to see how we stand up after falling & start walking again & keep walking until our story reaches its fateful conclusion, the conclusion whose beauty or tragedy would be nothing but the reflection of our own decisions in life.

And if I tell you the truth, I am proud of all those moments when I chose to keep walking, even when there were times I had my doubts on the script to my story He has written, as it's only because of my endurance till this point that I finally came to know that there's a reason behind everything & as I play along my role I have to keep seeking for all those reasons to understand their meaning more deeply & in a way understanding my own Life & the purpose of my existence....
(to be continued..)

 

“They say, Find a purpose in your life and live it. But, sometimes, it is only after you have lived that you recognize your life had a purpose, and likely one you never had in mind.”  

― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed